Signed, Sealed, Delivered: Edited
by audreyslove
Summary: Robin and Regina are going through a divorce but decide to spend Christmas together anyway.


**A/N: This was originally written for Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar in 2016.**

 **THis is a T-rated version of the fic. :)**

 **Enjoy! And thanks for all the support and love you guys have given me over the years, it means a lot.**

* * *

"Regina, we're begging you to at least consider it." Mary Margaret's hand grips the mug of coffee (no, _tea,_ she ordered _tea_ at a coffee stop), her other hand nervously tapping on the veneer of the table.

Emma's knee is bobbing, she can see it from the other side of the table the way it shakes, almost vibrating with the discomfort of the moment. Her mouth is tense and tight, her eyes wandering the room, feigning interest in the holiday decorations that adorn the coffee shop, looking everywhere but at Regina.

Coward.

Regina should have known this coffee date would turn into an ambush. After all, Mary Margaret and Emma are her friends but they are also Robin's sisters (Mary Margaret is only a half sister, but she's a sister nonetheless). Sometimes Regina thinks her and Robin's separation and pending divorce is harder on them than it is on her.

She should have known better than to fall in love with her best friend's brother. It's wonderful in many ways, for your best friend to _literally_ become family, but she lost the ability to complain and bitch about her love life with Emma the day her love life included Robin.

"After Thanksgiving, I cannot believe you two are asking this of me," Regina muttered, picking up her coffee and taking a sip in one brisk action. The coffee is hot, too hot, and she's sipped too much, but she refuses to wince as the steaming liquid scorches her tongue and throat.

She's good at concealing pain, after all.

"He was a mess then, and he's assured me it won't happen again. I won't let him touch a drop of alcohol. Not even rum cake!" Mary Margaret is frantic now, desperately trying to make this sound less like the miserable idea it actually is. "You love Christmas with us. And Roland wants to spend Christmas with Henry so badly, he's asked us all."

"It's a tradition, Regina," Emma says nearly above a whisper, "it's one we want to keep."

Emma looks uncomfortable with this setup (it had to be Mary Margaret's idea), but it's clear that she wants this, too.

"So why can't we spend Christmas together without Robin? Why can't he just have Christmas with his dad?" She asks pointedly at Mary Margaret, "I assume Ava doesn't want Robert around, and I'm sure that side of the family has a grand old time."

"Let's leave our dad out of it." Emma looks up from her cup of coffee, angrily, "You know how Robin and I feel about him."

"Well from what I can gather, Robin is now turning into him, and…"

"Regina!" Mary Margaret admonishes, "I get it. He had too much to drink on Thanksgiving. But that does _not_ make him Robert. It was one day. And it was a hard day. A hard day for you both."

"And yet I managed to have a perfectly wonderful meal with Emma and Neal without swallowing a fifth of whiskey." Regina is quick to remind.

The pain of that day is still there, and it hurts. Sometimes people forget she hurts, too. She's resilient, guarded, and private. But that day, to those who knew her, she was a mess of emotions. It was the anniversary of the death of her marriage.

Robin had begged to have Roland for the holiday dinner. Regina offered the day up easily, texting him that he could have Thanksgiving and the Friday afterwards in exchange for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Robin wouldn't agree to the deal, of course, and they were at a bit of a standstill until Emma had mentioned the idea of splitting Roland.

" _We're going to celebrate with Neal's family. You're welcome, Regina. And they eat early. Like, 2 PM? We can have a Thanksgiving meal, Henry and Roland will have time together, and...well, you know Neal's father loves you. And then just drop off Roland at Mary Margaret and David's, and boom! Henry gets double the Thanksgiving fun and won't miss out on anything. It's simple, and easy. What do you think?"_

It seemed like a great solution to this whole mess.

But of course, when the day came, Regina was a wreck, because dropping Roland off meant she would have to see Robin for the first time in forever. It should not have been that way, not for them. They were best friends turned lovers, and in ten years prior to this separation they had barely gone more than a day without at least hearing each other's voice

Regina was the first to withdraw. After Thanksgiving, her stubbornness kicked in, and she shut him out completely. Refused to speak to him about anything besides Roland, refused to even hear his attempts to reconcile. And then, on Christmas Eve, there was a simple text from Robin, telling her that he knew she didn't want to hear from him, but he would always love her. She had misinterpreted, thought he meant that he still loves her _that way,_ and drove back from her mother's, intent on choking on her pride and begging him to come home to her.

But by the time she'd come back, by the time she'd tried to get _him_ back, it was too late. He had already moved on, into the arms of his ex-girlfriend. The image of him and Marian will probably burn fresh and painfully in her mind forever.

From that moment, she shut down any hope of reuniting and focused on trying to get over him. And she figured if she spent enough time away from him, that would happen. Eventually.

So she set her best efforts in seeing him as little as possible. Sure, they shared custody of Roland. But they have a system, and it involves dropping him off at daycare on the day of the week they are set to make the exchange, while the other picks him up and takes him home for the remainder of the week, until the next exchange. Thanksgiving was the first time they would see each other, since the week Mrs. Lucas went on vacation and shut down the daycare, leaving them without their usual routine.

When they lost daycare, they split the responsibility of Roland 50/50 and suddenly, after months of avoiding one another, they had to see each other on a daily basis, breathe the same air, stare into each other's eyes…it was, difficult. She's never been good at setting boundaries with Robin, she's weak for him, and all that time away had done nothing to change that. That week they ended up becoming much too flirty for her own taste. Before she knew it they were sharing dinners every night, and even spent all of the Fourth of July together. They didn't talk about anything too serious, not in front of Roland, of course. But it had been wonderful, having him for that brief time. But it was over when Roland's daycare opened back up and she was alone again. All that week had left her with was a deep hole in her heart, and time spent thinking too much about him, reopening wounds and making her long to relive a chapter in her life she knew was closed.

After that, she told herself she would not fall under Robin's spell again. So she drew back as far as she could, stopped taking phone calls and continued to talk in texts and emails. Robin pushed a little, at first. But she shot down every attempt to meet and talk, with one excuse or another, and Robin had eventually relented. This was the new normal.

She had been dreading Thanksgiving for quite some time, considering that _last year's_ Thanksgiving had been the worst day of her life. Where a familiar argument took a wrong turn and words were spoken that could never be taken back, screams and cries and demands and ultimatums put them at a standstill, and then Robin slammed a door to their home that he never opened again. At least, not in that way.

So she had dreaded Thanksgiving, yes, but she would be lying if the prospect of seeing Robin after months had not excited her just a bit. He wasn't just her soon-to-be-ex-husband, after all. For the last ten years he had been her _person,_ her best friend, the one she trusted the most, and of course there was this unparalleled chemistry they shared, the passion they had was unlike anything she'd ever experienced in her life.

So as much as she knew better, as much as she knew she was opening herself to heartache all over again, she'd found herself fretting over the perfect Thanksgiving outfit, spending a bit longer on her makeup...wondering if he would look at her the way he used to...despite the fact that he had moved on, she knew he had. Still, she hoped for something that couldn't be, and it was ridiculous, wasn't it?

She found out how ridiculous it was when she got to Mary Margaret's house to drop off Roland.

 _Regina decides to ring the doorbell. For as long as Mary Margaret and David have owned this house, there's been an open door policy. She even has her own key. But this is not the holiday party she was designated to attend, and she suddenly feels like an uninvited guest._

 _Roland is squirming in her arms, so she sets him down before ringing the bell._

" _Aunt Mary! Uncle David! We are here!" Roland is banging on the front door jumping with excitement. He can't wait to see the rest of his family._

 _Mary Margaret opens the door, looking frazzled and flushed. Roland jumps into her arms, hugging her tightly._

" _Regina!" she exclaims, "I.. is it 6:30 already?" She turns around facing the inside of her house and shouts an anxious "Regina is here, everyone! With Roland!"_

" _I may be a tad early," Regina gives, checking her phone. Thirty-two minutes early, to be exact. "Honestly, I love Neal but I can only take so much of Randolph Gold. So I thought I'd just drop Roland off with Robin, and give him a few things I'd like Roland to have at his place…"_

 _But Mary Margaret is still standing in the doorway, swaying Roland back and forth, blocking her way inside._

" _I can take whatever you want to Robin!" She offers a bit too excitedly, and there's this forced, ridiculous smile on her face._

 _And suddenly Regina feels less like an uninvited guest and more like a downright intruder._

" _I'm... he doesn't even want me to step foot inside?" Regina asks incredulously. The prideful part of her had thought Robin trusted her more than this, had at least cared for her as the mother of his child to treat her better than this. But now, was he so disgusted he did not think they could be in the same room together? Her heart throbs and twists, but she clenches her teeth together right and wills the pain to stop before emotion spills over and lends to tears. Not now._

" _Oh god, Regina, no! It's not that, not that at all! It's just we hadn't expected you_ quite yet _and—"_

 _It's just then that she spots Marian walking behind Mary Margaret. She sees the poor girl's terrified expression and it all makes sense._

 _They don't know that Regina is already aware that Robin is back together with Marian. She already saw Robin and Marian together, spending a romantic evening together on New Year's Eve. She already saw the kiss they shared, so soft, so sweet, with just the right amount of heat…._

 _Ten years with her and it hadn't even taken him ten weeks to move on._

 _She had waited for someone to break the news that he had moved on with his ex-girlfriend. First, she waited for Robin to say something, send her a text or an email or a head's up that her son would be spending time with a new woman...but he was too cowardly to tell her. She thought Emma would tell her as soon as she found out, out of loyalty, or Mary Margaret, because she can't keep a secret or hell, David was a decent man, he would tell her because it was the right thing to do._

 _Instead, no one had told her. And so now, here they are, being domestic. Sharing a Thanksgiving meal. Probably burying old memories of devastating Thanksgivings past and moving on to greener pastures. Effectively having a picnic over the gravestone of their marriage. Classy._

 _And of course Mary Margaret doesn't want her to see this, because her so-called friends are still, pathetically, keeping the relationship a secret. They probably thought it would break her into a million pieces, as if she were some china doll they had to handle with kid gloves._

" _Oh, for god's sake," Regina groans, pushing Mary Margaret aside and walking into the house. She would show them, show everyone that she was_ not _weak, that she could handle her husband and his new love without batting an eye._

 _Roland's overnight bag is across her shoulder, and she's intent to just walk over to Robin and explain what Roland has had to eat, warn him about a rash he seemed to develop, tell him his nap schedule for the day, and give Robin a new toy that has mesmerized him for the last week. That's it. Then she would be off. She'd smile at Marian and tell her it was lovely to see her again, and tell her to be careful with her son's heart while she was off playing family with her husband. Well, she'd word it nicer than that. But if this woman was now spending time with her son, she'd like to have a chat._

 _But when she enters the living room in search of Robin, she only finds David and John there, watching television. The mood in the room doesn't feel like the festive celebratory holiday that is Mary Margaret's signature. It's...somber. Weighted._

 _Something happened._

" _Regina!" David gets up, immediately, rushing towards her. "Thanks for bringing Roland, do you want me to get that bag for you? Would you like anything to eat—"_

" _Where is he? I am not going to cause a scene, I just have to talk to him about Roland's schedule."_

 _David's face falls, but he says nothing. Her eyebrows raise and she shifts her glare to John. John is a good friend of Robin's, but also a good friend to Regina. He has loyalties to both of them, and from the guilt in his eyes, he's feeling pulled in two directions._

" _Back porch," John resigns with a sigh._

 _Regina frowns. Robin's probably sitting around their firepit, snuggling and making s'mores with his new lady. She probably just popped back inside to powder her nose, and god, stay strong woman! Don't let them see your pain._

 _She turns towards the kitchen, where sliding glass doors lead to the porch._

" _Regina, wait!" David calls, "I can explain, it's —"_

" _I already know, David," she says as coolly as she can, "and I don't care."_

 _But what she sees on the porch surprises her. There's a small fire, sure. But there's also two bottles of whiskey. One is empty, the other about half-empty. The first thing she hears is the clink of the shot glasses. And then, she watches her husband, her son's father, down a shot like a frat guy, and attempt to pour everyone another round._

 _He's sloppy and uncoordinated, spilling every which way, giggling like an idiot, and for fuck's sake, how in the hell did he think he was supposed to care for his son in this state?_

 _She is just going to take Roland and go home. From the looks of Robin, he won't even remember whether they showed up at all. And, honestly, if this is how he intends to spend quality time with their son, she's not sure about this split custody arrangement anyway._

 _She's almost inside when Robin finally notices her. "Regina!" he calls (a chorus of Oh shit!'s_ _are heard from the peanut gallery before Killian and Will go silent, at least having the decency to look ashamed). And then Robin rises from his seat too quickly, trips and nearly falls on his face. He catches himself, hands falling to brace on porch floor and standing back up in record time. It earns a snicker from Will and Killian, and makes Regina's blood rush cold, and then hot with anger._

" _I don't want to hear it," she says, holding a hand up to shield herself from looking at him. He's a mess, a drunken slob, but he still has those beautiful blue eyes, he's still gorgeous and he's still her husband and despite everything, she misses him terribly. And, frankly, Roland definitely learned that puppy dog look from his father. She won't let him convince her she should hear him out, because she won't let herself look at him._

" _Please, Regina!" He steps quickly in between her body and her path inside._

" _Where's….where's Roland? Is he okay?"_

" _Luckily Mary Margaret has him. So I won't have to explain to_ our son _why his father smells funny and can't stand on his own two legs. I'm taking him home."_

" _No, no, Regina I'm fine!" he straightens his posture, shuts his eyes, and then opens, attempting to do his best sober impression. "I promise, I'm fine. We got a bit carried away, but I'm far from sloshed. It'll be fine."_

" _And who is going to drive him to your place, Robin? You're in no state to drive."_

 _She waits for him to mention Marian. Just waits. But instead he stares back at her, eyes wide, swallowing heavy. "I — "_

" _I can do it," Killian offers, standing up "I haven't had too much."_

 _Regina rolls her eyes at the way Killian sways on his feet. "Please. You're worse than him."_

" _So who will take care of our son and you when this dinner is over, Robin?" she asks again, eyes burrowing into his, daring him to tell her now._

" _I can take care of us myself. And I'll take an uber home," he mutters._

" _An uber with a carseat?" Regina snaps. Car seat bases aren't easy to install, it's not as simple as putting one in a cab or an uber and getting him home. But of course that won't be an issue because Robin's gorgeous ex-girlfriend-slash-new-girlfriend is going to be driving his car, isn't she? And then Marian will tuck Regina's son in for the night, sing him a lullaby, and have wild, drunken sex with Regina's husband. And the thought, it's just...it's too much._

" _You can stay with us for the night," David interjects. He's just appeared behind Robin, standing in the house, blocking the cold air that is rushing into the kitchen now because Robin won't let Regina just leave. "They both can, Regina."_

 _Her heart pounds, as she wonders who_ both of them _refers to. Marian and Robin? Or Robin and Roland? Will they stay in the guest room she used to share with Robin?_

 _This is terrible._

" _I split this holiday with Robin so my son could spend time with both of his parents and have some semblance of normalcy. Not so his pathetic father could pawn his responsibilities off on his family," she spits, looking at Robin with all the disgust she can muster. "Sorry, if he's not up to the task and wants to have a good time drinking with his_ mates _, that's fine. I happen to love spending time with Roland and I don't need you to babysit him while his relives his college years."_

" _That's not what he was doing, love." Killian calls out, "truly, if you'd just take a minute —"_

" _You two are supposed to be his friends," she chastises, brow furrowed, blood coloring her face bright red, "how could you let him get into this state when you know he had to see his son tonight?"_

 _They have the decency to look ashamed, and for Regina, that's enough._

" _Text me when your bender is over," Regina bites at Robin, "or at least, let me know when you finally decide to be a decent human being again and treat Roland and me with anything resembling respect."_

 _She pushes him aside and makes a move towards the door. David, for all his attempts to defend Robin, merely moves aside to give her room to walk past. This Thanksgiving, the only thing she's thankful for is Roland and David._

" _Regina, god I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please, please stay, just for a moment, I need to talk to you!"_

 _Robin's on his knees now, wrapping arms around her legs and pleading. She thinks she hears what could be the sound of choked sobs into her leg. It's almost enough to break her out of her anger, almost enough to have her fingers run through his hair and soothe him. To tell him she's angry now but they will talk this out in the morning. But then she looks up and sees David looking at her with such pity, and turns to find a befuddled Killian and Will staring at them. She's suddenly just so angry at this dramatic display. He's caused a scene. He's gotten down on his knees and begged her, and it invokes the old taunts of his friends, when they called her Your Majesty, poking fun at all her specific requests and preferences. And suddenly, she hates him._

" _Get off me, Robin!" She shakes at him, but he won't budge. And she's not strong enough to push him off, so maybe she can knock him back with words. Her voice goes stern when she adds, "Robin. You're a drunken mess. I don't want you in my life any more than you need to be, and you certainly do not need to be clinging to me right now." She tugs at his arms, but Robin won't move them, only wraps his arms around her tighter muttering_ You don't mean that, just stay here for a bit, just give us a moment, I need to talk to you _. She sighs, a frustrated, deep, throaty thing, and then looks up to David, wordlessly asking for his help._

" _Come on, now," David says, softly, grabbing Robin's wrapped arms and tugging gently. "Off her, man. It's not good, none of this is doing any good. Let's just get you some coffee and work on this in the morning."_

" _I want my family!" Robin cries, "I want to see my son!"_

 _Regina lets out a puff of air and rolls her eyes, "Well tonight, my guess is you're already seeing double so you'd get to see two Rolands. And both of them would be just as disappointed and disgusted by you as I am right now."_

" _Regina," David warns, and he's right, she's gone too far. But she's too upset to think straight right now._

" _Don't start with me David," she mutters, wiggling and moving out of Robin's hold and walking through the sliding door. Robin follows her, much to her disgust. She hears his deep inhale and exhale behind her._

" _Regina, look at me, just for one moment," his voice is calmer now, softer, "I'm not that bad off, I swear. I just...I got emotional…"_

" _Save it for someone who cares," Regina grumbles, waving her hand at him, "I don't have time to talk about your precious feelings. Did you ever consider mine?"_

" _Always." His voice is firm, stern, and that's what draws her to finally look him in the eyes. And he looks... pained. Serious. Mind-numbingly sincere. And admittedly, not as drunk as she had thought._

" _You're such a beautiful liar," she breathes, stunned by how he has contorted his face in such a way that makes her believe he actually cares, that he actually cares about HER. But he doesn't, he's moved on. It's only about their son now._

 _The words she speaks stun him into silence, and she takes that as an opportunity to end the conversation._

" _Who has my son?" she asks into the air, waiting for anyone in the room who is just standing, watching the spectacle to answer._

" _Mary Margaret and John are playing with him in the den," David directs, pointing her down the corridor. And, bless the man, he puts a hand on her back and walks her there. The contact is soothing, eases a bit of her nerves, drains a bit of that pent-up, angered energy she needs to release before she sees Roland. "He's asking for his daddy, though. They are trying to distract him. Are you sure you can't stay for a bit if you must take Roland home? It's a bit of a college reunion. Marian, Elsa, Anna and Ana are here…"_

" _Yes, I see them," Regina groans, hating the fact they have all borne witness to the scene Robin has just caused. "But no. Thank you David, but I don't think I can stay. And can you blame me?"_

" _No," he admits, "and look, there's not really an excuse, but there is an explanation, and one I think you should hear from Robin."_

 _All she can think of is the explanation of_ Marian _and she doesn't want to hear that, not one bit._

" _I'm not interested. Thanks for your help, David."_

 _She kisses him on the cheek, and he hugs her tightly, telling her to take care._

 _And then she pries Roland away from his Aunt and Uncle with only a few tears, and an explanation that his daddy is sick, but they will call him before bedtime, and call him the next day._

 _And they do. She calls David first (usually she'd call Mary Margaret, but the woman tried to hide the state that Robin was in, tried to get her to drop off Roland when his father was piss ass drunk, and she's furious with her right now). She asks if Robin is "well enough" to speak on the phone to his son. And David assures that he is, and puts Robin on the phone. She passes it to Roland._

 _Roland's just two months shy of four years old, but he prattles on about his day with Henry after wishing that his daddy's non-existent illness will go away soon, so they can play._

" _Daddy wants to talk to you, mommy!" Roland says, offering the phone back to her. ._

" _Robin?" she answers._

" _Regina, I really need to talk to you just to explain and apologize— " the voice from the phone begs._

" _Oh no, you're feeling ill?" she asks, for the benefit of her toddler audience, "I'm so sorry, of course we'll talk later. Goodnight, Robin."_

" _No, Regina — "_

That phone call, weeks ago, was the last time she had heard his voice. So no, she's not excited to see him again.

"I'm sorry, Mary Margaret, I don't think he has a right to complain after what he did. If Robin is going to come to your Christmas party, that's your right. I'll take Roland to my mother's. She and my stepfather will spoil him rotten."

"He hates it there," Emma points out. It's a bit bold to say that a soon-to-be-four year old _hates_ anything besides baths and green vegetables, but she has a point, because, "and you hate it there too, Regina. It's Christmas. Spend it with your real family."

"I can't," she snaps, "because my so called _real family_ has decided to stand by the guy who can't get through a holiday without celebrating like a frat boy at his first party."

"Regina, Robin was anything but celebrating," Mary Margaret defends, "he was a mess the whole night. He broke down before dinner even started. He was sober then, too, and you know he doesn't cry often, but…"

"He was _crying?"_ She winces, and at that moment, a flash of throwing her arms around Robin and taking his pain away goes through in her mind. She hates it, how she always feels this need, this overwhelming desire to comfort him, to be there for him. When will those feelings end? After the way he treated her, he deserves nothing.

She's shown a chink in her armor, and Mary Margaret has picked up on it, so she quickly explains, "He was caught up thinking about the last Thanksgiving. He couldn't even eat. He told us his life was over."

"And what did Marian think of that?" Regina asks, eyebrows raised.

Emma and Mary Margaret both look perplexed at the question.

"She is going through a tough breakup of her own," Mary Margaret says, brow furrowed, "so she understands a bit of his pain. They understand each other. Why did you ask about her?"

Are they dense? When will they just acknowledge their relationship?

"Sorry, he didn't look so miserable when I came to drop Roland off," Regina reminds, "he was having a great time with the boys, laughing and drinking shots."

"That's because Killian is an idiot," Emma groans, "He told me the whole story. He's a god damned asshole."

"You still talk to Killian?" Regina spits back. What was it with these people and their exes?

"He's friends with David. And Neal," Emma reminds. "So I asked him what happened with Robin and he told me Robin was feeling sad, and was being a bit, as he said it, 'whiny and womanly' so he decided the cure was a bit of alcohol to dull the emotions. David and John told them they couldn't get him drunk, because Roland was going to be there, but Killian smuggled some whiskey out there and they told funny stories and tried to keep him from wallowing in sadness. I think, truly, Killian and Will's hearts were in the right place. They are just childless idiots with no idea what they were doing."

Regina's heart clenches a bit to hear that Robin had felt just as miserable as she did that day. And for a second, she almost relents. But then she remembers Marian, the lies, the cover-up, the sound of his laughter when she first saw him that day on Thanksgiving. And no, she can't forgive or forget quite so easily.

"Sorry, if you think I'll be okay in the same room with him after that —"

"You're going to have to be in the same room with him a lot," Mary Margaret points out, "there will be school plays, and soccer games, there will be award shows, and contests. You share a son. I know it's fresh, and it's only been a few weeks since this happened. But you have to face him some day. So we're just asking you, please. Please just get it over with now. And there will be a sufficient buffer. It's a larger party this time."

"Oh?" Regina asks, eyebrow raises precariously.

"I just invited everyone who is in town. Marian is probably going to be there, and you know, Elsa and Anna just lost their parents in that accident. They don't want to do Christmas with extended family. I want them with us. Will and Ana are going to spend Christmas with Ana's family, but Killian will be staying this time instead of going back to Ireland. See? Lots of distractions."

It's the casual mention of Marian that annoys her more than anything. But suddenly, she wants Robin to know how she has felt for so long.

"Is it alright if I invite Graham?" She asks coolly.

"Graham? I didn't know you two were in touch still." Mary Margaret's brow furrows and she looks... surprised.

"We... reconnected. Recently." It was true, they did run into each other on the metro, and they did have a nice little chat and exchange numbers. But that was where the reconnection ended. But did Mary Margaret need to know that?

Mary Margaret's face is screwed in shock, her mouth open so wide that Regina has a mind to reach across the table and close it for her.

"Like, invite him as a... date?"

"Well, you remember his parents are Jehovah's Witnesses," she starts, "He's not in that religion anymore, and I'm sure he'd enjoy being able to actually experience a party for once, wouldn't you? And if we're inviting everyone with a sob story…"

"No, of course, of course Graham can come. But, I'm sorry, I just want to clarify, are you dating?"

"I wouldn't call it 'dating'," Regina replies with a sly smile. And, her intentional innuendo aside, she's being quite truthful. It's not dating. She adds, "We aren't like that, no."

Mary Margaret's head tilts, her eyes narrow as she looks Regina over, analyzing her. This expression, this posture, it reminds her so much of a little bird, and that's a fitting image, as Regina assumes she is about to start chirping about god knows what any moment now.

"Graham is welcome," Emma says quickly, elbowing Mary Margaret, "you can invite anyone you want, as long as you are there to celebrate with us. Isn't that right, Mary Margaret?"

And Mary Margaret snaps herself out of whatever she must have been stewing about, and forces a smile on her face. "Yes, yes of course, Regina! I'm just happy you'll be there."

So the plans are set. And when she comes home, she has to call Graham and ask him perhaps the biggest favor she will ever ask a near stranger. To ask that he be at her side for the Christmas party so she looks less pathetic in front of her soon-to-be-ex-husband and the new family he's building for himself. But she's surprised when he agrees to go before she even has to ask for his support.

"I've got nothing planned for Christmas," Graham remarks, "so why not? And it's been a long time since I've gotten together with the gang. Might be nice to see them all again."

"There's something else," Regina confesses, "Just so it's not awkward, you should know Robin and I are not together. We are about to get a divorce, actually. We're keeping it civil, but I don't think you heard the news?"

There's no response from his end. Just silence.

"Oh," he finally replies. "Well, I get that it may be difficult to spend Christmas with Robin and his family." Regina rolls her eyes. It's times like these that she hates, _hates_ that her best friends are Robin's sisters. But she met Emma _first,_ god damn it, Emma was the best friend she ever had _first,_ before she met and fell in love with her brother, and begrudgingly learned to love her sister. And where did that land her? In the process of divorce with friends who will probably soon abandon her even though they swear they never will.

They make plans to meet one another at Mary Margaret's, and he thanks her for inviting him and tells her again how excited he is to see them all. She feels a twinge of dread at the thought of Christmas, and hell, that's a kick in the gut, a new wonderful holiday ruined by this caustic separation.

A part of her sometimes wishes life had been different, that she didn't agree to date Robin, and didn't subject herself to the horrifying pain and loss of trust that she'd undergone over the past year. But their son is perfect in every way, and, if she's being honest, Thanksgiving incident aside, Robin is a wonderful father. So the pain is worth it, the aching, gnawing heartbreak she'll live with for god knows how long. Without that pain, she wouldn't have Roland.

But sometimes, she wonders if she will ever get any better.

.::.

She's not surprised when she gets the call from Drake & King, requesting to schedule a quick half hour conference with her attorney, Mallory Drake. It has been over a year since she last slept under the same roof as her husband, and now she is legally able to file for an absolute divorce. Had she lived in a civilized state, Mallory Drake had told her, this ludicrous requirement would not be on her. But it is, and for that reason she's spent the last year in limbo, unable to stop thinking of Robin as her husband, unable to move on.

"Regina! Nice to see you again." Mal's tone is warm and sweet, not the threatening and aggressive voice she hears from her when she's telling her how she will advocate for her case, what pitfalls she should avoid, or what tricks typical men pull in these situations.

Mal is dressed in a beautiful light gray suit that looks expensive, yet warm and comfortable. Her hair is styled in thick, loose curls that are reminiscent of a different, brighter era, and she's carrying a leather journal stuffed with a packet of papers.

"I expected to hear from you right on the twenty-sixth," she says pointedly, "most of my clients cannot wait for this damn one year waiting period to end so they can file. It's rare that I am the one to initiate this meeting."

"Yes, well, I have a toddler. And... the holidays…."

"Of course," she responds but it doesn't sound as though she believes her. "This is the complaint," she says, holding up a stamped document for her to read, "and here's the property settlement agreement and financial statements for child support."

Regina shakes her head. "I told you. We are sharing custody of Roland. I know he makes more than I do, but I don't, I don't need child support."

"That's not the way it works, unfortunately." Mal sighs, "you are going to have to put your pride aside. This is about Roland's best interest. You don't get to say no to more money to give him the life he deserves when he's with you."

Regina opens her mouth to protest, but Mal silences her with a hand in the air, "I'm sure you will make sure he has more than he needs but child support cannot be waived. Judge determines it. This is a requirement."

Regina nods in defeat. God, how awful, to have to ask for anything from _him,_ even if it's just for her son. She hates it.

"Look over the property dissolution sheet just to make sure I've got everything right," Mal says, handing her the papers.

It's a bit humbling, this frank list of all that she shared with Robin, listed there in black and white, once _theirs_ and now assigned to _his_ or _hers_. _401(k). Savings account xxxx-1865._ her eyes scroll down to items such as _hallway armoire_ and _kitchen utensils._

She tears her eyes away. "Looks fine," she says. Who cares about the pots and pans anyway? All she cares about is Roland, and they are splitting time with him, sharing him, and it's awful for both of them.

"He still needs to sign this," Mal notes, "does he have his own attorney yet?"

That's a question, isn't it? If he did, he didn't tell her. And she certainly had not brought the topic up. They would have to actually _talk_ for her to do that, exchange something besides texts about Roland's sleep schedule or daycare woes.

"I don't know…" She says, swallowing hard against the lump of her throat, pushing the painful sting behind her eyes to rest, and willing heroes smile. "We don't really speak anymore. I'm sure that's common amongst divorced couples."

"At this stage? When you have a son and there's no history of abuse or threats? Not really." Mal states at her, head cocked, "Do you still want this divorce, Regina?"

"Of course!" she sounds too defensive to be convincing, so she cringes and adds, "We don't even feel the need to talk to one another, why would we stay married?"

"So you don't talk because you care so very little about one another?" Mal's eyes slit and suddenly Regina feels very much on display. "It's none of my business. But you need to sign this under penalty of perjury. It says you have stayed fully apart for one entire year. That you have not even spent one night under the same roof as one another."

"We truly haven't," Regina says, grabbing the pen next to her.

"And that there is no reasonable chance of reconciliation," Mal continues, staring at her intently. "Do you believe that?"

Regina sighs. She thinks of the time they spent together, the love they shared, millions of moments where she could not picture herself without Robin by her side. She thinks of breakfast in bed, sex on short lunch breaks, surprise weekend getaways and sweet pecks on the cheek every morning before she left for work, she thinks of his strong embrace while she mourned the loss of her father, the hand she held during the birth of their son, his grateful smile when they met their beautiful boy for the first time. But then she thinks of the kiss he gave to Marian, and how little all those beautiful moments meant to him after all.

"I do," Regina says, her voice strong and unwavering. She signs the document with confidence, nodding slightly at Mal.

"If we want this to be a less painful, combative process, I recommend talking to Robin. Make sure he knows this is coming. Let him look over the property settlement agreement and sign it. Give it to his attorney if he has one. I'm giving you a copy. I can have the complaint served on him by private process server if you would like, but it might be more...civil... if you give him the papers yourself."

"I'll give them to him," Regina promises, "no need for a process server."

Mal nods, but she still has the same expression on her face, the one that makes it look like she's about to say something she knows will upset Regina. "Regina you hired me to represent you in a divorce, and that's what I'm going to do. But you've separated for a full year, and you have a son. There one year rule has a lot of awful aspects to it, but the best part for me is that couples tend to be a little less raw and hurt at the time of the proceedings. But that doesn't appear to be the case here. I think you may want to talk to Robin, have a real conversation. If nothing else, for purposes for closure. You have years where you will be in each other's lives, and it works better if you interact like very good friends. But if there are still feelings on both sides —"

"There's not." Regina says firmly, "Robin's moved on."

Mal smiles, and hands her a copy of the paperwork. "Usually the spouse that moves on first is the one to start the divorce process. Robin doesn't appear to even have an attorney and other than a few emails telling you that you can have everything you want, he doesn't appear to be too invested in this divorce. Are you sure he's moved on?"

She is certain, absolutely certain that he has moved on.

They don't speak as to whether _she_ has moved on. Mal's perceptive, after all. Regina has no doubt she knows her client is still in love with her husband.

Pathetic as it may be.

Mal leaves her question unanswered and hanging in the air, murmuring _Something to think about_ before saying her goodbyes and wishing Regina a Merry Christmas.

.::.

Regina is often accused of taking herself far too seriously. Exhibit 1: her wardrobe. It's unlike that of the other moms in Roland's daycare, with their lycra yoga pants and warm cotton tops. Regina is often clad in dry-clean-only attire, silk and wool and cashmere (not practical for the mother of a messy toddler, but she manages). Exhibit 2: her idea of a night out. Even in college, she'd found fraternity parties horribly boring, opting to use her fake ID at whiskey bars and vineyards. Exhibit 3: Holidays. Most of them, anyway. Prior to having Roland, she found Halloween to be a ridiculous holiday, and it was only with pleading that Robin could ever coax her into a costume and into the bar down the street. She likes to think of herself as a bit more refined than the type of woman to dress up as a slutty vampire, or a bottle of ketchup.

But Christmas is the one holiday that can turn Regina into a smiling, excited child. Every year. She just loves Christmas. She loves every aspect of it, the decorations, tasteful and cheap and cheesy, she loves Christmas movies of all sorts, from _It's a Wonderful Life_ to _Elf._ She owns a Santa hat, ugly Christmas sweaters, and more terrible Christmas music than she'd care to mention.

When she and Robin first moved in together, they started the tradition of decorating their home the Friday after Thanksgiving. Last Christmas, of course, everything had gone haywire, leaving her to put up a tree and string a few decorations around somewhere in the middle of December.

But she was determined to make this Christmas a true celebration. This year Roland is nearly four, and there's a good chance he will have memories of this season. So she'd decorated, alone at first, and later with help of Mary Margaret and Emma. She poured every ounce of her heartbreak into this house, and in the end, it looked like a winter wonderland.

Roland has been introduced to Elf on the Shelf this year, and that's been its own distraction from the pain of being alone. Every morning, she finds a new fun way to arrange the elf, and Roland is delighted by the mischief his Elf, ("Dopey", as he named him), had created the night before. Robin has kept up with the tradition at his little apartment too, and they've exchanged text messages and pictures of each night's chaos. It's not much, but it's made the prospect of Christmas with Robin a bit less terrifying, having those small daily interactions where they share a bit of their day with one another, trade compliments, and discuss their son. It's...tolerable.

But on Christmas Eve, she's still a wreck, experiencing every emotion in the book, excitement and dread, hostility and happiness, anticipation and loathing.

She dresses Roland in dark blue corduroys, and finishes the outfit with a white-and-red striped sweater with a bear on it. She opts for a red dress that scoops a bit lower in the front than she usually wears, one that hugs her body and displays every curve. If she's going into battle, she might as well wear her armor, right?

The car has been loaded with presents, carefully hidden under a blanket in the trunk of the car while Roland was at daycare. They will be opening them together, tonight. As a child, Regina never got to experience the joy of opening presents on Christmas Eve. Regina's father's family had a long tradition of opening presents the night before, but her mother had held fast to the Christmas morning tradition. So when she found out that Emma, Mary Margaret, and Robin had been raised with a mother who honored the Swiss tradition of opening gifts on Christmas Eve, Regina had embraced it fully. After all, this was the type of holiday her father had wanted for her.

She feels she almost has a handle on her anxiety by the time she straps Roland into his carseat and starts up the car, when she gets a text from Graham.

 _Sorry, I'm going to be a bit late to the party. Promised I'd help Archie out with the pediatrics wing - we're doing a bit of a holiday party. Mary Margaret says I won't miss dinner. Xx_

She throws her head back and bites her lip to keep from cursing.

It's just a few hours, and who knows, Robin might not even be on time. Maybe she won't have to spend much time with him and Marian before Graham gets there. She isn't going to waste any more time worrying about those two, not when she has a cheery, excited toddler giggling madly about Christmas behind her. So she starts up the car, pops on the Christmas music, and gets going.

.::.

Ava Swan loves all three of her children the same. But Leo White, Mary Margaret's father, comes from money. And thus, there's a bit of a disparity between the lifestyle Mary Margaret is accustomed to and the life that Emma and Robin have lived. When he left Ava, it was per the terms of a prenuptial agreement that left her almost nothing. But there was a trust fund that gave Mary Margaret the world. And Regina believes it must be odd, growing up in a household where your older sister is running off to riding practice while you buy all your baseball equipment second hand. But Emma and Robin have never held it against their sister.

And, during the holidays, Mary Margaret's trust fund and wealth comes to their advantage. She has a huge house on the edge of the city fit for entertaining. It is decorated to the nines on Christmas, lights cover every inch of the shrubbery and trees outside, all set to sparkle and blink in some patterned, coordinated dance that should be overwhelming but somehow... isn't. Now, in the daylight, you can see the giant Christmas wreath from the street, the garland strewn across every window and each candle laid in the middle.

She's a bit early when she lets herself in, arms full of presents stacked precariously against her chest, her son's hand gripping her arm dutifully until the minute the door is opened. Then he's running across the threshold, screaming _Aunt Mary! We are here! Merry Christmas!_

She smiles at his exuberance, takes a moment to wish that she could view Christmas through his eyes this year.

The moment is interrupted when she hears the squeal of her son. _DADDY!_

So he's here already. She takes a moment in the foyer to prepare herself, but then he's there, Roland in one arm, walking towards her, asking if he can help her with the presents in her hand, and yes, yes he can.

He sets Roland down and whispers in his ear that David got a new video game for him, and then Roland is running to find his Uncle David in the family room, and Robin is grabbing a load of presents from her grasp and carrying them to set underneath the tree in the living room.

"He's so excited," Robin says, through a toothy, wide grin, "he's been talking about Santa every night for two weeks now."

"I know," Regina says, as she kneels to set the presents down, finally, "last year he was just a bit too young to really understand, but now? He's completely enchanted by Christmas. It's adorable, Robin."

He's kneeling down next to her, just staring at her, those beautiful blue eyes are wide and almost excited, lips curled back in a genuine smile, and shit, this was a bad idea. He's wearing that blue button down she loves (god damn it, he knows she loves it, doesn't he? Doesn't he remember how she says it brings out his eyes? Doesn't he remember the many times she's practically ravaged him in that shirt?), and he's kept in good shape, he has, he looks damn good, and —

"I know," Robin says, pointing towards his shirt, completely misinterpreting her stare, "not very Christmasy. I have a sweater, in case there are pictures. I just…" His held tilts, and he leans in a bit towards her, "it felt like a blue shirt kinda day."

"I love that shirt," Regina reminds before she can stop herself.

She's almost proud of the blush that rushes to his cheeks.

"I know," Robin admits. "It, uh, reminds me of you."

She suppresses a giggle and manages a "Really?"

He nods enthusiastically, and then asks, "Do you have anything more in the car you need brought in?"

She does, and he takes her keys and tells her to warm herself in the family room while he takes care of things. She nearly kisses him on instinct after thanking him for helping her. Two minutes alone with him and she's already forgetting that they are in the process of getting a divorce and that he's in a relationship with someone else. This is why they can't be alone together.

She walks across the dining room and kitchen, and enters the family room to find David and Roland playing a video game. Mary Margaret is cheering them on. And there's Killian, nursing a rum and coke and avoiding eye contact.

"Where's Marian?" Regina asks, trying to keep her voice as light as possible.

"Marian?" Mary Margaret asks innocently. "Oh, that's right, I told you she was coming. She backed out a while ago. She's spending Christmas with her brother's family."

"Oh," Regina says, trying not to sound too pleased. She shouldn't care, frankly she should be upset she doesn't have the opportunity to speak to the new woman in Robin (and soon, Roland's) life. But for now, for today, she's happy to have her family to herself.

Not that— no, she shouldn't think like that. That's selfish and unfair. They've moved on. And yet—

"You still have your coat on," Mary Margaret points out. And yes, in the mess of seeing Robin and swallowing back a bunch of ill-advised feelings she's left her coat on, "Go take it off, there's a coat rack in the study."

The study is the room just off the foyer, and so Regina's trip to drop off her coat finds her nearly slamming into her husband, who is carrying a stack of presents and a few tupperware containers of food.

"Just a few more things, huh?" he teases, and Regina laughs, helping him with his load, grabbing a few bags out of his hand and walking towards the tree.

"They aren't all for Roland. Henry needs gifts too. And Mary Margaret, David, Emma, Neal…"

"Ahh," Robin says, as he sets down the presents, "I saw one of these gift bags, and I didn't think it was quite appropriate to give our son a bottle of rum, but…"

She rolls her eyes. "For Killian," she says, showing him the label on the gift bag, "I only partially hope he chokes on it."

It's a risky move, revealing that she is still angry at Killian for his part in the Thanksgiving fiasco, but it pays off, and Robin laughs, a hearty, loud guffaw, and it warms her heart to see it.

And then they are locking eyes again, and he's biting his bottom lip, and she's letting her eyes roam over his body unashamed. And they are getting themselves into trouble. The merriment of the festivities is making her forget herself.

"I need to take my coat off before I start to melt," she says, standing up sharply.

But instead of making his way back to the family room, he is saying _Of course_ and following her back to the study.

"Let me," he offers when she starts to remove her coat, and his hands are over buttons and buckles, unwrapping her like a Christmas present, the way he used to.

It makes her legs turn to jello.

He slides her coat off her shoulders smoothly and hangs it on the coat rack, though his eyes never leave her form, looking her up and down as if he wanted to eat her whole.

"You look…" his voice breaks, wavers, and then after a beat, after he lets his eyes wander over her curves unashamed, he adds, "very lovely."

"Thank you," she smiles. A flash of _Marian_ goes through her mind, and maybe it's over? Maybe…

But even if it's over, does it matter? There will be new Marians. The fact that he moved on so fast is a sign that what she had with him wasn't so special. She has to stay strong and avoid falling for his charms.

But then again, it's Christmas, and it's all about indulging in sweet things, isn't it?

She can indulge in him for a bit longer.

His face turns somber, and his hand goes to touch her elbow lightly.

"While I have you alone…" he whispers, "I just need to thank you for this, for letting us share the holiday, so I can see Roland on Christmas. I know you had every reason to say no to this—"

"I'd do anything for Roland," she reminds, because this is not a favor for _him,_ after all. His face falls at that, and her first thought is _Good. Glad it hurts._ But then his misery stabs at her heart and she cannot stop herself from adding "Roland wanted us all together for Christmas. He's a bit young to quite grasp why we can't do these holidays together, especially if his Aunts and Uncles and other family will be there. So that's what he wanted and… he can be _very_ convincing when he really wants something. Like his father." She lifts a hand and presses fingertips to his chest, a light touch for a light tease. It succeeds in lightening the mood a bit, and his lips curve into a smile, but it fades, and a much more serious look replaces that.

"I need to apologize for Thanksgiving," he says. She breaks eye contact, waving a hand out as if it was nothing. But it isn't they both know it isn't, and he won't let her squirm out of this conversation again. He is silent, his eyes searching for hers until she finally relents and looks back at him. "I know I cannot make it right, Regina, but I can promise that will never happen again."

He sounds pained, his voice is shaky and very _un_ -Robin, but it rings sincere, and as mad as she was that day, there's not a drop of anger left. He's a good father. He wouldn't do that on purpose.

"I know it won't," she assures him, grabbing his hand to hold for comfort, "it wasn't like you at all, it just, it scared me a little."

"It was a tough day."

"I know," she acknowledges, "not so great memories of last year."

 _God_ , what did they even fight about that made things so permanent? It started with her renewing the argument that they need to move out of the city to a better school district, which led to an argument about how they both were raised (Regina was raised with prep schools and equestrian training, lived just outside in the city in a large estate, her life was structured, privileged, and homogenized. Robin went to a public school, and was given a lot of freedom to make his own choices, his life was his own, free and untethered to any schedule).

Soon, the argument had reached insulting levels, with Robin calling her spoiled and her childhood unhappy, which led to her calling Robin neglected and his parents idiots, and then the icing on the cake. Robin had said Regina was turning into her mother, that he barely recognized the woman she'd become, and that she would make Roland as miserable as Cora had made her.

Regina had countered that Robin also sounded like his father, and she hoped he never had to worry about him treating Roland the way his father treated him, but she didn't know anymore. And that had shocked Robin into silence. And she'd taken advantage of that silence, because she is her mother's daughter, and when she's hurt, when she's terribly hurt, she goes into attack mode.

That's when she'd said that she didn't know if she even trusted him or loved him anymore. And maybe she would have taken it back, but he had shouted that he was glad they finally agreed on something, because he _knew_ he didn't love her at all anymore.

And that was it.

They had fought before, bitterly. But they had never made it as far as declaring themselves out of love with one another. On Regina's part, it wasn't true. But the moment she heard Robin say those words back, she knew it was over. He was an honorable man. He wouldn't lie about something so serious.

There's no use hoping to reconcile with a husband who doesn't love you anymore. And if she ever doubted that he had truly fallen out of love with her, well, Marian confirmed it, didn't she?

"It wasn't just the memories that made it tough," Robin says, pushing her thoughts back to the present, "it's the first holiday I was without him or _you_ since Christmas, and it was hard seeing families together when ours was so split. I was a wreck. I am so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," she soothes, the words coming out before she can restrain them, "I should not have ignored you for the last month. I was just...well, I was angry. And hurt."

"I know." The hand she's not holding goes to the small of her back, doesn't push, doesn't try to force her, but it's clear what he wants, what they both want. She eases into a hug.

It's the first time she's been hugged by this man since the Fourth of July, and it's just as electric and warming as it's ever been.

"I was working up the courage to talk to you about this last Thanksgiving and I just...I missed the happy medium between 'liquid courage' and 'sloppy drunk'" he murmurs into her ear, "I know it's long overdue, but I am sorry for what was said then."

"Me too." She's breathing him in, the smell of aftershave and cologne mixing with lotion and his own scent. It's familiar and nice. She loves it, and shouldn't love it as much as she should. This apology changes nothing.

"Merry Christmas, Regina." He whispers into her ear. She returns the greeting.

And they set about to return to join the others in the living room, the awkwardness of being in the same room altogether gone.

.::.

They've been having an amazing time together.

It started when Mary Margaret suggested they all play charades, and Robin and Regina had agreed to be a team, proving their connection is still strong as ever, easily beating even Mary Margaret and David.

Somehow things became... flirty. She's been sipping on eggnog, has a pleasant little buzz going (she's got a standing invitation to spend the night here, after all, and she may take up on that offer. Emma and Neal will spend the night, too, and Henry and Roland could wake up on Christmas morning together, and isn't that perfect?), Robin is making his old jokes, the ones that make her snort and laugh, and Roland is just squealing with delight, so happy to be with Henry. She'd been so comfortable, she hadn't really cared when her knee bumped into his, when his arm grazed her leg, when his fingers began to trace circles around her knee. It just felt too good to put the brakes on any of it.

There's a voice in her head whispering over and over again _What does this mean?_ Because he doesn't love her anymore. He said so, then did a remarkable job proving it over the last year.

But she refuses to listen to her better judgement now, she won't overthink and overdramatize this Christmas. She will just enjoy the way her husband is ogling her — the way his gaze keeps jumping from her eyes to her chest — and save the questions for later. She'll let their hands "accidentally" touch, their fingers "accidentally" scratch up each other's palms, let glances turn to flirtatious stares, biting and licking lips just to thrill the other, and this is incredibly irresponsible and damaging to her heart, but she can't seem to care right now.

Robin leans into her and whispers in a voice that sounds as smooth as well-aged whiskey, "You look gorgeous tonight."

Her insides flip, and she's transported to the time when they'd first started dating, when a couple of well-placed kisses and words would completely dissolve her into putty. It's maybe not the strongest she's ever felt, but it feels wonderful in its own right.

She turns to him and offers him a sly smile and says, "You already said that," and when he raises his eyebrows and laughs, she leans her shoulders in until her body is pressed snug against him and whispers "You're not so bad yourself."

It earns her a blush and a shy smile that makes her go weak.

There's a moment where she thinks it's a shame they can't work off some of this pent up lust against one another. An absolute shame they can't leave Roland while he's preoccupied with his Uncle David and the latest video game, can't just pretend to have "something to discuss" and spend the next ten minutes satisfying each other's cravings. She doesn't even care that he may very well be with Marian, because frankly he seems very interested in _her_ right now, and she's still his wife, isn't she? So Marian doesn't ruin the idea of pushing him up against a wall, spreading her legs for him, and taking him inside her, hard and fast. Nor does Marian sully the painfully enticing memory of his tongue on her clit and his hands wrapped around her thighs.

It's a reckless fantasy, but in her defense it has been a long time since she last had sex, and over the last ten years the man next to her had barely let her go longer than a week without. She was in the longest dry spell of her adult life, and the man that can make her toes curl with a few choice moves is sitting right next to her, drinking her in.

But even if they both felt the same way, even if they agreed it would be just once, to get it out of their system and satisfy a very primal need, that one dalliance would reset the clock and would make them wait another year to have a divorce. So it's a nice passing thought, but not even an option. Not even worth fantasizing about.

So she forces herself up off the couch, squeezing Robin's leg for good measure. He looks up at her in question, and she tells him she's going to help May Margaret in the kitchen. He _pouts,_ actually _pouts_ , when she tells him this, as if it's meant this much, being next to her. She snickers, ands grants herself a moment to let her eyes linger over him yet again, before she finally tears her gaze from his a turns towards the kitchen.

Except when she turns she collides with Graham, and _shit._ She wonders when he even got here, but his body is still cold from being outside, cheeks flushed and red, and she thinks it could not have been so long after all. Not that she would have noticed — she's been entirely distracted.

"Hey, Regina, Merry Christmas!" He wraps himself around her, pulls her into a tight hug, and she takes it, hugs back and anchors herself in him.

"Thanks for coming," she says to him. Thanks indeed. She was a few eggnogs away from propositioning her soon to be ex-husband for a quickie in the pantry.

"Of course, love," he says, loud enough for the room to hear. She blushes.

"Where's Roland?" he asks, looking around the room.

"He and Henry are playing video games upstairs," she explains. "You remember everyone, right?"

"Of course," Graham laughs. After all, it hasn't been _that_ long, "David, I already told Mary Margaret this when she let me in, but thanks for inviting me. And your home is beautiful."

David doesn't look impressed with Graham one bit, but he smiles and shakes his hand.

"I was just going to help with dinner," she explains, and he tells her not to let him keep her, and she's off into the kitchen, glancing back to find Graham helping himself to one of the beers in the ice bucket by the dry bar, looking at home already.

Good.

.::.

"You and Robin have certainly been getting along," Mary Margaret murmurs the very second Regina enters the kitchen.

She hisses angrily at the stupid woman as she peers back to the family room to see if anyone heard, but there's a game on television, and there's Christmas music and laughter, and the steady hum of several conversations to muffle the sounds of Mary Margaret's shrill voice.

"It's been nice," she admits, "I'm glad we can get along. Maybe we can share the holidays, for a while. At least until…"

She drifts off, not wanting to finish the thought. Because Robin is going to remarry and spend Christmas with his new family, and hell, maybe she will remarry, too, and Christmas won't be the same. And she's not ready to think of that right now.

Mary Margaret, however, isn't going to let her off that easy.

"Until it's too late and you've lost him?" The damn woman isn't even looking up from the pot of mashed potatoes, but Regina can hear the self-satisfied smile that must be plastered on her face right now.

Regina rolls her eyes. "Stop being dramatic, Mary Margaret." Regina checks the vegetables roasting in the lower oven. They look almost done. While her face is hidden in the oven, she adds "Besides, I've already lost him."

"No you haven't. Look at the way he looks at you."

The vegetables are done, so she takes them out of the oven and grabs a serving bowl. Her movements are a little quick, a little sharp, a tell-tale sign that she's angry. But she can only conceal so much for so long.

"Mary Margaret…" she says through clenched teeth. "I'm tired of dancing around this topic. He's with Marian, and that's that." The spoon clatters hard against the roasting pan. "I'm _fine._ I did not fall apart hearing about it, like you must have assumed I would. Or is there some other reason you've been trying to hide it from me?"

Mary Margaret is next to her, grabbing the serving spoon out of her hand. "Regina, look at me." She sets the spoon down and grabs her arm. "Robin isn't with Marian."

"Maybe not now, but…"

"No, he hasn't been with anyone since you left him."

The thing about Mary Margaret is she's a terrible liar. And she's lying right now, but from the earnest expression — the pleading eyes, the trembling bottom lip, vibrating with honesty — she doesn't know she's lying.

"I saw them together," she says, shifting her expression to sympathetic, now, because she has to break the news to the princess that her dreams of a reunited family are over.

"Yes, he and Marian spend a lot of time together. She's getting out of an abusive marriage and trying to cope. We've all been spending time with her. And... look," she leans in, grabs Regina's arm and whispers, "don't let him know I told you, but they are in a support group, for… divorce stuff. Okay? But they aren't in a relationship, there's nothing there, I swear."

"I saw them kissing," Regina says frankly.

She watches Mary Margaret's brow knit, her jaw drop, watches as denial turns to anger, and back to denial again.

"No! Regina, you must have seen someone else. They aren't. It must have been someone else! Where did you — when did you?"

"New Years Eve. Right by Killian's apartment, where he was staying... then." Regina shudders as she replays the moment. If he weren't so caught up in Marian he probably would have seen her.

"What were you doing there on New Year's Eve?" Mary Margaret asks, and well, that's a story isn't it?

"It doesn't matter. The point is they _are_ together. And I know how desperately you want us to live happily ever after. But this isn't a fairy tale. Not everyone gets their happy ending."

She ends the conversation abruptly by walking the bowl of vegetables out into the dining room. And though there are no more words spoken, the gravity of what was said remains, weighing heavy in the air between them.

.::.

Years of living with an overly critical mother have left Regina never much looking forward to meals, particularly meals in front of many guests. But Christmas Eve dinner is an exception, usually she loves the idea of sitting around the people she loves most, and sharing an admittedly delicious meal.

This year, is a bit more complicated, of course, with the separation and the few added guests. But Mary Margaret has a large dining room table and appeared to set seating assignments for the occasion. Roland sits between Regina and Robin, across from Henry (Henry and Roland are as close as brothers, gabbing excitedly about Santa Claus and Christmas stories.) Graham seats on the other side of Regina, and she's grateful for the calming energy he exudes, almost as if he can draw out and stomp all the anxiety and stress her conversation with Mary Margaret and… whatever was going on with Robin left her with.

Ava and her new boyfriend show up right before dinner, some new man in her life named George. He seems harmless, but then again, Regina's mother-in-law has a blind spot when it comes to picking men. She looks at Robin, who looks tense and uneasy. His relationship with his mother is strained, in no small part because she allowed him to spend much of his formative years in England with an abusive father, and he's never fully been able to forgive her for that. And so, initially, Regina assumes Robin's icy demeanor is a result of Ava's presence.

"So Graham, how come you aren't spending Christmas Eve with your family this year?" Robin asks, his tone a little clipped.

"They don't celebrate the holidays. Jehovah's Witnesses," Graham explains, "Regina was kind enough to invite me here, and I must say, I'm delighted to be able to actually celebrate something."

He turns, pats Regina on her knee, and gives her one of those dazzling smiles he's so well known for. "Thank you, again."

"It's nothing." She smiles back and gives him a little wink.

"So have you seen Emma since you two broke up?" Robin asks, staring him down.

"Robin!" Mary Margaret and Emma both shoot him dirty looks, and Regina closes her eyes in pain. Damn it, Robin. Bringing up Emma and Graham's short lived romance over a decade ago isn't wonderful dinner conversation.

But Graham is unphased. "We've seen each other around," he answers, "water under the bridge, right?"

"Yeah, definitely," Emma says, but her eyes are focused on Robin, her look stern and angry. "There's no problem here."

"I was just hoping it wouldn't be awkward," Robin explains, "I don't remember you being quite so charitable the last time we discussed Graham."

"That was years ago!" Emma protests.

David awkwardly shifts the conversation to Christmas movies, and everyone joins in the small talk with a feigned enthusiasm to cover up the tense moment.

The rest of the dinner is uneventful, but Robin continues to avoid so much as looking in Regina's direction. When Roland asks if he can spend the night with Henry at Aunt Mary's, Regina asks Robin what he thinks, and he ignores her question, turning to speak to Killian about a home brewing kit.

She thinks she may be reading more into it than there actually is, but when Roland tugs on her arm during dessert and whispers "Is daddy mad at us?" she knows it was as bad as she suspected.

But she assures Roland that his daddy is not mad, he is just tired. Roland of course, can sympathize with being grumpy when tired, so he believes her, eyes widening and whispering "Ooohhhh, did Daddy forget to take a nap?" Regina laughs and musses his hair and nods, holding a finger over closed lips to indicate this is a secret between them. So at least Robin hasn't ruined _Roland's_ Christmas.

But he's ruining hers.

She wants to shake Robin, scream at him, remind him that she only agreed to Christmas Eve so it would _not be_ this, and that she was right all along to not want to do a joined holiday after all. But she can't ruin everyone's Christmas with a fight, no matter how satisfying it would be.

So she bites her tongue and ignores it, turning her attention to Emma, Neal and Graham, shifting in and out of the conversation on the other side of the table to make sure Killian isn't successfully picking up Anna.

But when Roland and Henry ask if they can leave the table early to play, she excuses them quickly, realizing too late that this means there is no longer a pint-sized dimpled barrier between her and the cold front sweeping in from her left. On the upside, she doesn't have to play nice to protect anyone from ill-intended consequences of the storm brewing inside of Robin, either.

And so maybe she leans into Graham just a bit (for spite), and maybe she laughs at his jokes a bit too hard, maybe she lets her hand rub up his leg. It's just as a bit of payback, because if Graham _is_ the reason Robin is acting like a jerk, that's not fair right now, is it? Especially since he has Marian.

So she ignores his huffs and pouts at first, until she spots a worried Emma glancing in Robin's direction. He looks like he's about to blow his top. His face is flushed and streaked with red, his teeth are clenched, jaw is locked, and eyes are staring daggers into hers.

It's one thing to ruin each other's Christmas and an entirely different thing to ruin everyone else's.

When he refuses to even hand his dish to her while she's collecting plates at the end of dinner, she's had enough.

"Robin?"

"Yes?" His response is curt and annoyed, and she resists the urge to scream at him right then and there.

"Can I see you for a second?"

She doesn't wait for his response, just walks away, towards the study, holding her breath until the sound of his chair squeaking against the floor confirms he is honoring her request after all.

"What?" he asks when he asks in the room, looking every bit annoyed.

Regina rolls her eyes. "You know what, Robin."

"Honestly, Regina, I never have any idea what you are thinking anymore. So why don't you enlighten me."

She tilts her head and raises an eyebrow. Then she drops her trump card.

"Roland asked me if his daddy was mad at him."

Robin's face falls, and he huffs out a low, long exhale and scratches the back of his head, before his face turns sullen and accusatory.

"Why did he ask that?"

Regina lets out an exasperated sigh and stares him down. "Because you are acting…" how does she word this politely? "distant. And he picks up on these things."

"Did you tell him something to make him think that?" The words stab at her. It's come to this, apparently. He's accusing her of trying to turn their son against him, even though over this past year she's fallen all over her own feelings and pain to make it clear to Roland that his father is a good man.

"Robin, I would never. He's getting older and he can pick up on when his father is grumpy. He just doesn't know why, and children always think they are responsible for their parent's moods."

She sees the guilt wash over his face, hitting him so hard it reverberates off of him and onto her.

"I just told him you were tired," she explains. "He is familiar with being in a bad mood when tired. Everything is okay."

Robin smiles for a brief moment before shaking his head and biting his lip. "I didn't ruin his Christmas?"

"No," she assures, "It'll take a bit more than some curt words and cold shoulders to ruin Christmas for him, he's still having the time of his life."

"Good." He forces a smile, but it's tense, and she can tell the bad mood hasn't gone away. His anger has just been replaced by guilt. That won't do.

"I know there's a lot between us, and I'm not a person you want to be around," she ignores when he protests _That's not exactly it_ and pushes on, "but for Roland's sake can we just… be how we were before dinner? I don't want this hanging over him."

"Mm, like before dinner?" he asks with a chuckle, because okay, they had been flirting shamelessly then and there's no sense pretending otherwise. She doesn't fight or hide the blush that creeps across her face. "I can do that" he promises, "Or at least try. I'm sorry. Even though we aren't together anymore I want to get to the place where it's easier to spend time with you. For Roland, but also for myself. And…" He pauses for what seems like an eternity, exhaling deeply, "It's not a matter of not wanting to be around you. I just don't know how to do it."

"I don't know how to do it, either," she admits with a sigh of relief.

And then they are hugging — she's not sure whether she fell into him or he fell into her, or maybe they fell into each other, but it's warm and comforting and wonderful.

"I wish I knew how to move on. Every time I see you, I just... you're still my wife, you know?" He whispers the words into her ear, his voice a bit shaky.

As comforting as it is to hear he _hasn't_ entirely moved on, it hurts to hear he _wants_ to move on. And she has a solution.

She breaks the hug, and it is misery. She feels every millimeter of his body as it leaves her. But it's too late to beg him to try, it's been over a year and all he wants is to move on.

"Speaking of that," she says, walking towards the coat she hung in the study earlier, "this might help." She reaches into the large hidden pocket of the coat and pulls out a manila envelope.

"What's this?" he asks.

"The paperwork. For our divorce."

He frowns, staring at it, puzzled.

"It's been over a year," she explains, "and I figured... we could put this behind us and maybe start fresh? Maybe it will help with... figuring out boundaries."

"Boundaries." He repeats, his demeanor sullen and empty. Suddenly there's a chill in the air and everything feels awkward and uncomfortable.

"You know, maybe when we aren't husband and wife anymore it will be easier to be friends?" she tries, reaching for his arms. He snaps back from her touch.

"Do you have a pen?" he asks.

"Oh, you should really have your attorney look it over—-"

"I don't have a bloody attorney," he damn near shouts, and he's over at David's desk frantically opening and closing drawers, looking for a pen.

"At least read it over yourself, Robin, before signing, make sure you agree with the way we are choosing to split everything…"

"I don't care what you want, you can have everything."

He finds a pen, snaps it up quickly with some new found resolve, and then he's peeling through the documents, finding places to sign.

"Robin, you really should—"

"We're sharing Roland, the way we always have?" He hasn't looked at her since she handed him the papers, and she completely regrets springing this on him. It's only made things worse.

"Of course," she responds. "I'd never take Roland away from you, he's—"

"I know," he interrupts, his tone cold and clipped, "that's all I care about."

He's signed the property settlement agreement and petition for child custody, and now he is stuck on that final page of the filing papers. She knows he has reached the part where he has to swear that he doesn't believe there's any chance their marriage can be saved. Pen pushes to paper, but he does not write.

He looks up at her, and he's doesn't look angry and agitated anymore. Instead, his expression is soft, almost like he's been physically wounded. Probably hurt she brought up this sensitive subject on Christmas, that was poor form on her part, reminding him that've doesn't get unfettered access to Roland anymore and some future Christmases may be without that adorable mess of curls running around on Christmas morning. Shit.

Before she can even apologize, there's a weak smile on his face, and his muscles relax, a sense of calm washing over him. And maybe, just maybe, it was a good idea to give him the papers after all.

"I suppose you can count this as my Christmas gift to you," he says, and then he signs it, and hands her the papers back.

She didn't realize how much it would hurt to see him sign until he does.

"I'll try to put on a good face for Roland, alright?"

She nods slightly but doesn't trust her voice enough to speak.

He smooths hands over her shoulders and down her arms, like he used to, and her skin electrifies and sizzles at his touch. Her breath catches when he leans in towards her, so she can take in his familiar, delicious scent, his breath smelling just the faintest bit like wine from dinner. For a second she thinks he's going to kiss her (hates herself for _hoping_ he will) but then he's kissing her forehead instead, although he does it with the tenderness only Robin is capable of. She's even missed this — light, innocent touches and platonic kisses— so desperately, and for so long...

"Goodbye, Regina," he murmurs softly, giving her hand one final squeeze.

And then he walks away from her. Like he is meant to. Like she wanted.

It still hurts.

.::.

Robin keeps his word. Though he does his best to avoid having a reason to be near Regina quite successfully, he no longer scowls and stomps. He acts every bit the part of the festive party goer for the rest of the night, entertaining Roland with Christmas stories and piggy back rides (Robin and Neal have a race in the basement with their respective children on their backs. Robin wins easily, but of course, Roland is about 50 pounds less than Henry, so it's not quite a fair race).

Emma puts on _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ , and things start to feel warm and homey. Mary Margaret passes around the spiked eggnog for the adults, hot cocoa for Roland and Henry. And when Emma points out Mary Margaret has foregone eggnog for hot cocoa, she admits that yes, she is pregnant. It's a joyous moment for everyone, celebrating both Christmas and the new addition to the family.

Regina loves this, loves that Roland is exposed to holidays full of family love and fun and laughter. She admires this family so much because Robin and his sisters _chose_ this, chose to rise above a dark, harsh childhood fraught with separation and abuse and join to become this loving, close knit family.

They are the perfect example of good coming from broken. And Regina's family will never be the same — there's too much pride and too little love to make it work. She wouldn't ordinarily be jealous of Robin, Emma and Mary Margaret for having _this_ , except...it does scare her, just a bit. Knowing that soon she won't be invited to these shared holidays anymore, and Roland will be old enough to protest a boring holiday in Boston with Cora in favor of this one. And she won't blame him, and she'll give him the happy perfect holidays any way she can. Even if it means spending every holiday alone, missing the family she once knew.

She tries not to spend one of the last holidays she has being melancholic and pining for what hasn't yet been taken from her, but attempts to chase away the sadness leaving her bitter at how well Robin is handling the night. She had wanted him to stop looking like there was a burning, fiery rage boiling inside him threatening to boil over at any second. She hadn't anticipated giving him the divorce papers would transform him so quickly into a jolly party guest.

She spends some time catching up with Graham, talking in low whispered tones so as not to distract Roland and Henry from the Christmas movie playing in the background. Graham must know it's been a heavy day, and he keeps the mood light with whispered jokes that have her giggling and gentle squeezes of her hand that are somewhat comforting. She withdraws a bit into him, away from the outside world of the perfect family surrounding her that she won't be a part of much longer.

She's having a decent time, wrapped up in Graham's stories of regulars at his bar, when Mary Margaret's shrill voice cuts over the Whos in Whoville singing "Welcome Christmas".

"Alright, it's time to open all the gifts that _aren't_ from Santa tonight, and then when we go to sleep, he will come and deliver his gifts in the morning."

Roland shouts _PRESENTS!_ And leads the charge by running from the family room into the kitchen, through the dining room and into the living room where the Christmas tree and gifts are. Henry follows just as excitedly, telling Roland he has to wait for everyone, and it's adorable and sweet. Regina can't help turning to Robin and smiling, hoping to share this beautiful moment with her son's father. But he doesn't so much as glance in her direction.

.::.

Roland doesn't even need a visit from Santa, because his stockpile of presents is already reaching an absurd level. From a nerf archery set that he's certainly too young for (thanks, Uncle Killian) to a snazzy, faux leather jacket from his Aunt Emma (incredibly impractical, but so damn cute), Roland has Christmas covered.

He rips open each gift with such happiness, is absolutely delighted at each new item he gets (even the clothes), shouting out words of thanks and praise for each. It warms her heart that they raised their boy so well. No matter what happens, mistakes they made, they got it right when it came to him.

Roland is supervising as Henry plays with his remote control helicopter in the foyer while the adults exchange their gifts. Mary Margaret sets about distributing the gifts one by one.

"This one's for David, from Robin." Mary Margaret shouts, throwing a small, poorly wrapped present David's way.

He opens it and a shit eating grin erupts on his face lighting up the room the way only David's smile can.

He holds up a Patrick Henry University _Sentinels_ jersey, laughing so hard he can hardly breathe. Robin laughs a bit too, but he's more reserved.

"There's a story here," David says when he composes himself. "Senior year of college, Robin and I went camping with a bunch of guys from the rugby team. And then, on the way back, we pass by this college campus advertising a freshman welcome week. So Robin —" Robin breaks out into a chuckle and shouts _Oh, blame me, why don't you_ — "so _Robin_ says 'why don't we stop by and see if we can score some free food and all that swag they hand out to the new people on campus?' Well,we're on the campus for five minutes before we're stopped by some uppity professor who tells us we are all wrong. Apparently shorts, even on men, are immodest and not allowed on campus. And then you know, Mulan was with Phil back then, and she's holding hands with him, and they say no, you cannot walk hand in hand like that in our campus unless you are married. So he gives us a pitch about how this is a religious college, and their views on women, purity, subservience, and somehow compares a non-virgin woman to a bunch of cracked eggs you'd find at a supermarket …"

"Mulan must have _loved_ that," Regina says with a roll of her eyes.

"I'm sure, but she didn't have a chance to say anything about it, because _Robin_ went off." David corrects. "He started talking about how he would never want a woman like that, and the woman _he_ was going to marry was anything but meek and submissive, and then he goes on describing Regina and—"

Laughter dies down quick, the light mood turns dark and heavy, weighted with the gravity of what he just said.

"Senior year of college?" Mary Margaret asks, "Robin and Regina weren't dating back then."

David shakes his head, "Yeah, sorry, but…"

"He was in love with her from the first moment he met her, blah blah blah, he basically transferred to be closer to her, we all knew it, if Regina didn't know it by now she's crazy. Finish the story, mate." Killian says, blunt and insensitive as ever.

There's silence, and all eyes are on her. All except for Robin, who apparently found something interesting on his shoe to look at instead. She knew he liked her, knew he wanted her. But she didn't know he had thought of marriage with her even back then.

"So anyway, Robin goes off on them and says his wife will wear whatever she wants, and he'll love her for every damn mistake she's made and will ever make, and that's what makes it an adult relationship, and…" he laughs nervously, looking around the room for some support, "they had security escort us off the premises. They called the cops, too. Told them a bunch of satanists invaded their campus. It was crazy."

"And all because you went off on a rant about Regina! You guys were so perfect for each other!" Mary Margaret pouts. Regina could kill her, could literally _kill_ her, and thank god for Emma handling her sister and shutting her up before she can twist the knife even further.

"Alright, next gift," Emma calls out, before the room can turn somber again.

Regina doesn't pay attention to any of the gifts her friends get for one another. She's stuck replaying every moment of her past with Robin, wondering if anyone will ever love her the way he used to.

After a few moments pass, Robin taps her on the shoulder in the middle of gift exchanges between Ava and her new boyfriend, motioning her to follow him into the kitchen.

"I just wanted to apologize," he starts, but she's already shaking her head and voicing a stern _There's no need_ over him. Still, he presses on, "I had no idea that gift would bring out that story, I hope you didn't think I did it on purpose."

"I don't," she assures, "not at all."

"Good," he responds, "and, given that whole mood, I thought I should give you this privately, without an audience, yeah? I'm not sure this will go over well, but..."

It's a small jewelry box, and she opens it with shaky hands.

Inside is a locket. _The_ locket. The antique gold locket with the Locksley coat of arms engraved on it in the midst of other patterns and swirls. "Your grandmother's locket?" she asks, stunned.

"Before she died, she left it to _me._ Not to my father, not to any of my wretched cousins, she left it to _me._ And you know how she loved you. You are who she meant it for."

But the thing is, Robin's grandmother, Rose, died before they separated. And it's not exactly what she planned.

"Robin, she didn't — "

"She gave it to me. I'm giving it to you. I want you to have it, Regina."

She opens the locket to find two pictures of Roland in them, one as a baby, and one from this past September.

"I figured...you might not be a Locksley anymore," he says pointing to the coat of arms on the locket, looking a bit pained. "But, you'll always have a Locksley that you love, yeah?"

She's too emotionally strung and not sure words will come, but this isn't a situation where a nod will do, so she swallows heavy and says "I love it." Tears blur her eyes, and he's seen them already, so she lets them fall, taking a deep breath in and out before adding, "I'm always proud to represent the Locksleys," she adds, smoothing over the locket. "This means so much to me. Thank you."

He nods, his hands find their way to covering hers, stroking softly over fingers and palms. And then she remembers that she has a gift of her own to give him. "Wait right here," she pleads, before running to the tree and picking out his gift.

She had hidden it in the back of the tree, unsure she'd ever get the courage to give it to him, but now he's given her something beautiful and meaningful and she owes him the same courtesy. Still, she's shy and nervous when she hands him the gift.

"I, uh... I got it awhile ago. I was saving it for... well, just open it." Just by holding it, he should know it's a book, but at least there's a bit more to it to keep the element of surprise.

He smiles and nods unties the bow carefully, then rips the paper painfully slowly, while she shifts her weight between her feet nervously.

"This is…"

"It's a first edition," she explains, "Open it."

He already looks touched. She knows what _Slaughterhouse Five_ meant to him, how many of Vonnegut's books helped him through difficult times when he was living in England, but that one in particular held a special place in his heart, because it was the _first_ book he ever truly loved and felt connected to. She's relieved to find she's not the only one hiding back tears; his eyes are glistening in the pale yellow artificial light. And he hasn't even seen the surprise yet.

"My favorite book," he says, and she nods, soaking up the sweet sentimental moment they are unexpectedly sharing.

"Open it," she whispers.

He does, and she watches the disbelief ripple across his face, how his eyes widen, jaw drops, Adam's apple quivers, hand goes to cover his mouth.

"How did you…" He's looking at her like she just gave him the whole world.

"It was years ago," she says, "remember when he was doing a book signing in New York, and you had that final and couldn't go?"

"Yes, and your mother was in town, you couldn't go either," he murmurs.

She shrugs. "I lied. I went to the book signing and missed it, and then I was just at this little bar near the signing just to drown my sorrows, and the man shows up. We spoke... about you. And he told me to give you the book on a rainy day, because presents mean the most when you need them the most. And well, I almost gave it to you on the day the man died, but I couldn't find it. and then I kept waiting for the best time... and well, I figure I won't be there for the rainy days in the future, so..."

He reads the inscription. "To Robin Locksley, a man I wish I met."

His signature and tell-tale doodle are there, and Robin races his fingers over the words from the author he most admired before he pulls Regina into a tight, long hug. "Be there for all the rainy days," he breathes into her ear, "for as long as you can. Please."

"I will. For as long as you want me there," she answers into the crook of his neck.

He pulls back from the hug, and she's entranced by the way every emotion seems to dance in his eyes, how, for a moment she can read him so well.

"Promise?"

She promises.

She sees they look of relief in his eyes before he pulls her into another hug, and sighs _Then you'll always be here,_ and she knows he's being sincere, that he doesn't want her to go, not in this moment, not now at least. And she doesn't really want to go, either.

"It's almost ten," she whispers. "I need to put Roland to bed."

"Can he stay overnight with Henry?" he rasps, "I'd like to tuck him in."

She's already decided he can, had only been waiting for a moment to speak with him about this.

"Yes of course he can but…" she winces, hating to bring it up. "If _I_ stay here, you can't. If we sleep under the same roof it will restart the one year separation rule, and we will have to wait another year before getting the divorce."

Robin closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. "You stay. I can leave and come back early. Or stay the night in the guest house. Emma and Neal will just have to deal with a regular guest room." His mouth splits into a small smile and he looks a bit less morose when he adds, "I'll do whatever I can to make you feel comfortable. Just stay."

She will.

.::.

She misses the ritual of bedtime with their son, of dressing him in pajamas and brushing teeth as a team. It's so much easier, despite Roland's grumpiness (he's up far, far too late even though she timed a nap for him to be up late). They read him _A Night Before Christmas_ , together, and Roland holds interest at first before settling, a thumb finding his way into his mouth, eyes going glassy before shutting and by the time they've reached the final pages they are truly just finishing the story for themselves.

It's playing house. That's what it is. It's going to hurt like hell, losing this all over again after just being reminded how wonderful it is, but for now, she's just going to enjoy the way he looks at her, and her son, the way his hands fall to hers and rub gently over her palms.

She's never going to stop loving him.

She hasn't even tried to put herself back together again, her hand is still locked in his, when they walk downstairs to join the others in the living room. They both take a moment in the doorframe to just... absorb. To prepare to return to the present and end their jaunt into their past.

"Look, Aunt Regina and Uncle Robin are under the mistletoe!" Henry shouts.

Sure enough, there's mistletoe over them, and Regina isn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the cliché.

"You have to kiss!" Henry insists.

" _You_ need to go to bed," Regina argues.

"You are both right," Emma pipes up. "Henry, you have another half hour and then you have to go to bed. You two, get to kissing."

They halfheartedly try to get out of it, but, the thing of it is, she _wants_ to kiss him, and this a great excuse. So after some polite protest, she turns to him, shrugs, and raises an eyebrow. He bites his lip in return, and then he's wrapping his arms around her waist and crashing her towards him.

It starts off chaste, an innocent pressing of the lips. That's all that is needed under the rules of mistletoe, after all. But she feels his lips separate, and she instinctively moves her own to join his, and suddenly his hand is in her hair and one of hers slides up and cups the back of his head, the other gripping tight around his waist.

He tastes just as she remembered. There's absolutely no reason why she should be enjoying the sweet peppermint candy that's flavored his tongue, mixing with his natural taste. And she inhales, that musky, deep scent of aftershave, shampoo that smells faintly of like her own apple-scented kind, his pine scented soap, and she's done fighting this. Not that she'd have any hope of winning the fight, the way his fingers feel running through her hair and scratching her scalp, the way his mouth feels, lips wet and warm against hers, tongue swirling and massaging against her own in a way that makes her toes curl.

Then suddenly the rest of the world melts away, and she kisses more aggressively, using the hand cupping the back of his head to push him closer, tilting her head to get a better angle. He moans into her mouth, and the sound itself gives her goosebumps. It's passionate and heady, a bit rough and desperate, but feels wonderful, until she has to come up for air and breaks the kiss. He's panting as well, but still manages to press a few more kisses between breaths.

"Gross!" Henry cries. "That is way more than just _one_ kiss!"

"Henry, you _should_ be in bed!" Mary Margaret scolds. Of course she's worried about his bedtime _now,_ when he's just broken up a very intense kiss between the couple she's been trying to get back together for a year.

Regina takes a breath and turns to the rest of the room. All eyes are on them, looking both shocked and embarrassed. My god, Robin's mother is staring at her as if they just stripped down and screwed right in front of them. Even Emma, who ordinarily can control her emotions at times like these, is all wide eyed and open mouthed. When Emma locks eyes with Regina, she mouths a silent _wow_. And yes, apparently that kiss had _looked_ as serious as it _felt._

"So, have we opened all the presents?" Regina asks, clearing her throat a bit as she walks back to the tree, near where Emma is seated. Emma shoots her a look that clearly says _You are getting yourself into trouble,_ but she ignores it, pretends like she didn't just get into a heavy make out session with her ex-husband in front of their family and friends.

"Regina, this one is for you," Emma says, grabbing the nearest present from under the tree. "It's from Graham."

Oh.

It's just a scarf and a hat, but they are a beautiful shade of burgundy and they are soft and warm. She puts them on for size and thanks him. Graham reaches from the couch to squeeze her hand and remind her that it's nothing, it's just something small.

The next gift is for Mary Margaret from David, but she's not midway through the present opening process before Robin is walking out of the room in stiff, strong movements. Then they hear the front door slam, and all eyes shift to Regina.

"You should go check on him," Emma whispers, "he looks really upset."

Regina frowns, considering whether it's best for her heart to continue to have these moments with the man she will soon be divorcing. But then she remembers Robin's pained expression and there's really no question as to where she wants to be. So she excuses herself and sets her mind on finding Robin and bringing him back.

.:::.

He didn't go far. She spots him on the front porch, just leaning over the railing. She grabs their coats and makes two cups of Irish coffee and meets him there, sliding his cup across the railing as she hands him his coat. He gives her a small smile before bringing the cup to his lips, pausing when he smells the alcohol.

"You sure?" he asks. It's only then she remembers that she had conditioned her visit on him not drinking too much. He's afraid to lose her trust again, and it kills her.

"I think you've earned a drink. It's been a roller coaster of a day. Besides, you are far from inebriated, and I trust you to know when you've had too much. I know Thanksgiving was an extenuating circumstance." She lifts her glass and he clinks his against hers as they both murmur "Cheers".

"Sorry I walked out," he says then, still staring out at the road instead of her. "I'm trying, Regina. It's—- it's hard to see you with Graham. I know I've no right, and—-"

"I'm not with Graham. He's just being a good friend." She sighs, frustrated and angry at the relief that washes over his face when she adds, "But now you know how I feel. It hasn't been exactly easy to see you with Marian over the past, what has it been? Nearly a year?"

Robin still has that goofy smile on his face. "I'm not with Marian, Regina."

She rolls her eyes and gives him a look conveying all the rage she's held in for months. "Don't insult me, Robin. I know. I know you are keeping it from your family, for some reason, but—"

"I swear, we are just friends helping each other through a rough time. We are in a support group together—"

"You see her all the time. She's at all the family holidays."

"When she left Keith her family initially estranged her, you know how conservative they are? Divorce, even if your husband is an abusive prick, is still apparently off limits. So she's been sort of adopted into our family, except... well, they've reconciled. That's why she's home for Christmas. I thought Mary Margaret explained this all to you, I would have cleared it up otherwise."

"I saw you kissing her," she groans. "The jig is up. I get wanting to keep it from me at first, but—"

"You saw us on New Year's Eve," is all he says, and he looks mortified, and how did he know when she saw them?

"Yes... how did you know that was the day?"

"Because it's the only time it happened, Regina, God." There are tears in his eyes, and she doesn't think she's ever seen him look more miserable. "This whole time you thought I was in some sort of relationship with her? No wonder you never wanted to talk to me."

It's like the dam breaks, and she finally voices the hurt she's held down for so long. "We had just separated. It hadn't been much more than a month, Robin. And you moved on and—" she's full on sobbing now, her voice taking on that high pitched squeal she _hates,_ she feels weak and pathetic but for the first time she feels like she can breathe in front of him. "Didn't I mean _anything_ to you?"

He reaches for her and she flinches, taking a step back from him and he winces and traps his hands in his pockets, as if he's afraid they will move toward her of their own volition.

"You mean _everything_ to me." He enunciates every syllable slowly and clearly, focused entirely on her eyes. "You didn't even talk to me that month, Regina. And I didn't get to see my son for Christmas. You took him, and I, I was so miserable. I missed you and Roland so much."

"You didn't tell me that. When I texted you and told you I wanted to take Roland to my mother's for Christmas you just said to do whatever I wanted. I thought you'd fight me, tell me you wanted me back—"

"And I thought you'd change your mind and come back to me. I wanted it to be your choice. And when it wasn't... I was a wreck. I went on a little bit of a bender between Christmas and New Years that resulted in seeing Marian again at a bar. And we went out to an open bar singles party on New Year's. And we got good and plastered, and I did— we did, we slept together that night, but—"

She knew this, never doubted it for a second, but hearing him say the words splits her in two, cracks her wide open, and she's raw and bleeding and angry and seething in pain. "Was it good?" she asks, unable to suppress the short stifled sobs erupting from within her.

"What?"

"Was she better than me, did she do things to you that I can't, was it everything you've dreamed of, having her again, was it worth it, was it…" She leans elbows on the porch railing and buries her face in her hands, letting herself just surrender to the tears wracking her body. It's all over now, this pretense of being strong and at peace with everything. It's been too hard to keep pretending and a year later it somehow hurts just as acutely as it did back then. There's no use fighting it. She can't carry the weight of secrets and unanswered questions anymore.

She feels a hand touch tentatively on her back, and when she doesn't move away from the touch it grows more firm, rubbing little circles between her shoulder blades, like he used to when she was stressed or sad, and nostalgic memories of their past together overwhelm her. She can't do this. She wipes her tears and pushes his hand away, then turns to face him. Her eyebrows rise and her head tilts, waiting for him to answer.

"Regina…" His hand seeks her cheek, but she takes a step back to avoid it and he puts it away.

"Answer the question." she orders in a soft voice. "Be honest. I can tell when you are lying."

He takes in a deep breath and holds it, blowing it out slowly, his breathing out into wisps of smoke swirling in the cool night air. "I can't remember a lot of that night," he admits, "what I can remember I wish I couldn't. I can remember she was... aggressive. But not passionate. More… angry. And I was, too. And I can remember saying your name, during…" He grimaces and is obviously too caught in a spiral of self-loathing to finish his confession. Regina winces, but there's a slight sense of vindication that has no right to be there. The fact she wasn't so easily forgotten in the throes of passion is something, isn't it?

"That's… god, Marian... is she ok?"

Robin nods. "She said she was. But she didn't deserve that, to be used by a lonely grieving man. I'm trying to make it up to her, because it was all a mistake. The next morning we both agreed as much, so we promised never to speak of it again, and it was... horrible. A terrible way to bring in a terrible year. I've regretted every second of it."

"You never wanted her again, wondered what it would be like to have her, to be with her?" She's shivering and shaking, but it's not from the cold.

"No. No, Regina, I have never wanted anyone but you from the moment we met." He covers his forehead with his palm and slides it down his eyes, rubbing vigorously. "I can't believe you thought I was with her. No wonder you shut me out. God I am so, so sorry. If I thought there was any chance you knew, I would have explained, I would have begged you to forgive me, I would have told you how much I…" He reaches out for her, then must remember she has been shrinking from his touch and restrains himself. "You were supposed to be in Boston for New Year's. What were you doing at that time of night so close to my apartment?" He asks, his eyes full of hope.

She shakes her head and her gaze falls to the floor. It's a mortifying confession. "I came back from Boston early. I missed you, I was going to…" she inhales a shaky breath and gives herself a moment, just so he has control over her movements and voice, "I was going to beg you for another chance, to see if you could try to love me again, but…" She swallows heavy but it does nothing to alleviate the lump in her throat. "It was for the best that it didn't happen. I don't want a loveless marriage. Even if I thought you hadn't moved on yet, you would eventually, and you don't love me—"

His eyes widen and then he throws caution to the wind and wraps his arms around her. She goes willingly, using his chest to muffle her soft cries. "Of course I do, Regina, I never stopped loving you, even for a second. I love you so much."

"You said—" She has replayed the moment he told her he no longer loved her a thousand times. And she knows what he looks like when he lies, and never did she see any sign of being anything but completely sincere.

"I know what I said. It was bullshit." He interrupts. "I was hurt and angry. I regretted it the second I said it, but you said it first, and I thought it really might be over." His words come out in whimpered pants, and she's slightly less mortified at her ready breakdown, knowing he's in tears too.

"I never stopped loving you, either." she sobs into his chest.

His arms wrap around her tighter now, and he's planting kisses into her hair, whispering _I love you, I'm sorry_ between each kiss.

It's all overwhelming and surreal, and suddenly she needs to see his face to make sure this is actually happening. She draws back from his embrace enough to look him in the eyes, to see his tear stained face, his glistening eyes, his quivering lips…

She's not sure who pulls into the kiss first, him or her, but it feels like they both had the idea at the same time. It's not gentle, it's sloppy and desperate, as the two of them pour every emotion they've withheld over the past year into the kiss. He has a hand in her hair, the other on the small of her back, and her hands are wrapped around his waist. There's a reverence to the kiss, it's got a healing aspect to it that is almost cathartic, and she's overcome by all she feels for this man. But the mood is far too somber, too serious, and she doesn't want to cry anymore, so she takes matters into her own hands, set on lightening the mood, and reaches those hands that were around his waist lower, grabbing his ass shamelessly.

He chuckles into the kiss, and she does, too, and then he mimics her hands movements with his own, taking an unashamed palm full of her ass and kneading in _that_ way, the way she's liked and missed for so long. It's cold outside, but his palm is warm, and it sends zings of pleasure all over her body, and now she can add lust to the laundry list of emotions battling for dominance within her.

He breaks the kiss with a wet pop, then dots kisses around her hairline, moving his hand from her ass underneath her coat to her upper back, rubbing small circles there.

"This isn't going away," he says, looking at her with a sense of conviction, "I've barely spoken to you for a year and I've missed you every day. I've loved you just as strongly, just as much, for all this time."

"Me, too," she shivers and fights the urge to lose eye contact, to hide and withdraw from the emotion in his eyes.

"I never should have signed, Regina, I don't want a divorce." He pulls her into another hug, and this time she's the one gripping and tightening, holding him as closely to her as she can. "I was an idiot, I should have fought for us, I only signed because it was what you wanted."

"It's been so long, so much time has passed," she points out, because it has really, they've lost a year they could have spent with each other and much could have changed within that year.

"I know. I know. But it's not too late. Rip up the papers. Don't file, I didn't mean to sign, please. I don't want a divorce."

She pulls back again to look at him in the eye, her fingers lacing through his own. "I— that's a big decision to make all at once. Don't you think you should sleep on it?"

"You can take all the time you need," he assures, running his hands up and down her back. "But I've thought this through, and my mind's made up. Our marriage is everything to me. And..." he reaches in the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a small black box.

She stiffens in his arms in absolute disbelief. He couldn't — he wasn't planning to— what is he doing?

"I meant to give you this on Thanksgiving, I had a whole speech worked out about how we first met on Thanksgiving, about how I proposed to you on Thanksgiving, I had planned everything perfectly... but then I had a bit too much whiskey and I don't think I sufficiently wooed you in my state."

She's shaking, and sniffling, and tears are falling down her face, but she still manages a chuckle that spreads a warm smile across his face, and has him biting his lip to suppress laughing alongside her.

He lowers himself to his knees, staring up at her with such adoration that it squeezes painfully at her heart. "Regina Locksley, I gave you this ring years ago and promised to always love, cherish, protect, and respect you. And I've always done that, but I did a shit job of making sure you always knew how much I loved, and cherished, and respected you. Even when we fight, and god,it hurts to fight, to see you mad because of _me_. But I love you so much, for your passion, and your heart and I would live every day fighting with you, and losing, for the rest of my life, if it means I get to sleep next to you at the end of the day. So please, Regina, please stay married to me."

He opens the black box, and there it is, her engagement ring. It's a small little diamond as a centerpiece, but it's rich with engravings, and beautiful and unique and everything she had ever wanted in a ring. It killed her to return it to him in January, after she lost any hope of reconciling their marriage. It meant more to her than anything, because it was a family heirloom, from the only Locksley family member who truly loved and cared for him.

Her hand stretches out, fingers wiggle, and he places the ring on her finger like he did years ago, then kisses fingertips and palms.

She urges him up, shaky palms pressed against shoulders, and then he's kissing her again, pressed up against her, fitting and completing every part of her that felt empty since the moment he left. Her tongue moves against his slowly, delicately, while her hand scratches his scalp with the exact pressure she knows he loves.

"Is that a _Yes, I will stay married to you_?" he asks into her ear, "Because if not, I am prepared to convince you to stay for as long as it takes."

"We still have so much to work on," she reminds, "and we may have changed a lot over the last year, we may not be the same people we once were."

"It could be ten years and I would still want to be with you, no matter how much you changed. But you haven't changed much, you're still the amazing mother and loving woman I fell in love with. I love you so much, Regina."

"I love you, too." And oh, how marvelous it is to say those words, after fighting them down for so long.

"Rip up those divorce papers," Robin begs, "I don't like knowing that they exist somewhere, that I signed my name to a blatant lie. I'll never stop hoping for us to fix this."

"I don't like the idea of pieces of our property settlement agreement blowing all over the neighborhood," she muses, "but I have a better idea." She smiles devilishly and then kisses him again. It's less desperate, more comfortable, as if she's already slipped into the familiar routine of claiming his lips at a conversation's end.

He follows her back to the living room. Everyone is still there, absorbed in Christmas presents and cleanup and several independent conversations between each other. She pauses before entering the threshold of the room, wondering how to best break the news that she and Robin are... something.

"Look! Aunt Regina and Uncle Robin are under the mistletoe again!" Henry shouts.

She and Robin share a smile, and then he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and winks at her.

"Are we now?" He asks. "Well, we better kiss, then."

He dips her then, like he used to early in their relationship when they would dance, or when they were all keyed up after a night of drinking. Her arms loop around his neck and she tilts easily against him. And then he brushes his hands through her hair, and she moves a hand to cover his cheek, tilts her chin up toward him and…

 _Mmm!_

Robin sweeps down and crashes his mouth to hers, hard and passionately, his lips immediately parting when she licks at them. She kisses him deeply, tongue darting against his, reveling in the way he is almost devouring her. The sound of him moaning into the kiss _does_ things to her, she feels like a teenager as a rush of anticipation and list rises within her. She cannot get enough of him, needs more. She hears a whistle coming from someone — _Killian,_ she thinks, but hell, she doesn't care. Her tongue is halfway down his throat when Henry lets out a _Not again! Eww!_ and they both laugh into the kiss, but don't immediately separate. In this moment, right there and now, there is no question of what she wants. It's clear as day.

When they finally part, she walks over to where she had left her purse, and reaches to grab the folded papers inside. Nearly everyone in the room is staring at her; Ava seems pleased, if a bit uncomfortable, Graham's biting back laughter, Emma's jaw has dropped to the floor, and Mary Margaret's smug smile is lighting up the room.

"Fire looks a little low," Regina says as she walks toward to inspect it. "This should help."

She throws the papers into the fire, taking a moment to watch as they set aflame, turning shades of amber and orange before fading to black ash. And then she turns around and catches Robin's sappy, lovesick puppy face and her heart melts. She ignores the weight of her family and friend's eyes on her as she takes her spot on her husband's lap, where she's always belonged.

"Oh thank god!" Mary Margaret exclaims, excitedly.

"Emma, you and Neal can take the guest house out back. Robin doesn't need it." Regina says, her gaze never moving from Robin's, her nose rubbing against his flirtatiously, smiling broadly as she loops her hands around his neck.

"Alright, no take-backs," Emma says quickly. "Come on, Henry, bedtime. This is no longer a room fit for children," she teases, ribbing Robin gently. He looks up at his sister in mock offense before returning his gaze to his wife.

"Well, I'm going to get going," Graham says with a smile. Regina is too busy sharing a lovesick smile with her husband to look up at Graham as he speaks, but she nods, and wishes him a Merry Christmas.

He pats her shoulder with platonic affection. "Really happy for you, Regina," he tells her, "you too Robin."

"Cheers, mate," Robin says, with all the sincerity he can muster.

Mary Margaret walks him out, no doubt apologizing for Regina's rudeness, but she couldn't find it in her to care about anything besides the man in her arms right now.

Her son is fast asleep, and tomorrow he will wake to Santa's presents, and his family, together again, under the tree. She couldn't picture a more perfect Christmas.


End file.
